the chase isn't romantic

— love, jones.

The chase isn’t romantic.¹

Love isn’t a pursuit. Lust is. The chase suggests that there’s something to be won, rather than something to be built. But lasting, healthy love isn’t forged on an uneven playing field. A power dynamic has no place here. Safety is a precursor to intimacy, and the chase keeps the nervous system humming in fight-or-flight.

The chase is a rush. A neurochemical high. A game of Russian roulette with our attachment system. And the stakes are emotionally wounding.

Interest doesn’t have to be equal at the start, but it does have to be mutual. Intention and effort matter, but we shouldn’t romanticize the pursuit of a relationship that isn’t reciprocal. The chase takes us away from ourselves, slowly eroding the parts of us that don’t fit the ideal. And yet, partnership that divorces us from our sense of self isn’t a partnership worth having.

The chase is a rush.
We mustn't conflate it with romance.

The chase keeps us hungry.
For safety, for reassurance, for depth.

It starves us.

And what starves us won’t sustain us.